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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in spankyhockenpuss' LiveJournal:

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Sunday, January 4th, 2009
2:22 pm
fun with craigslist
One of my favorite past times is perusing Craigslist for strange and/or suspect postings. Usually it's the missed connection section, which is pretty amazing in it's weirdness and pathetic stretches into insanity and plunges into the ridiculously mundane...but this one  comes from the for sale/trade section. So they've got a bunch of rare & expensive wines and want to trade it for a list of varied things that essentially adds up,  at least to me, to only one logical conclusion: they are building some sort of underground bunker/compound. see for yourself:


sfbay.craigslist.org/nby/bar/979193154.html




Monday, December 22nd, 2008
7:52 pm
REGARDS!
kindly never ever sell your electronic ITEM on craigslist for it will be have cause for you to be receiving most gracious emails about PAYpAL as the safest and most securely way to do transaction.

I know these are quite pedestrian, a dime a dozen, and nothing all that funny anymore. Still, I'm in serious need of selling my nearly brand new laptop and these jerks are a total hinderance and waste of my time. They've made wading throught the emails so bad I've probably run off a few good sales because they sounded vaguely  scammy.

419 baiting sites have tickled me a bit from time to time, so I took the opportunity to have a few giggles at the jerk faces' expense. I've just been responding back asking really off the wall questions and using 5th grade (or worse) potty humor and being generally odd and subversively offensive. My favorite trick so far has been to type a normal looking email and within it in a font color matching the background I include the aforementioned potty words, words of violence and just weird stuff along with sexual advances and references to US government agencies. I've most enjoyed asking "For the highest level of security" that:

"to prevent scamming, I ask for a picture of your face and body. These are standard precautionary measures that my company requires. Please submit immediately to avoid delay or investigation. (FBI)
anal sex, rim job i want to see you  fuck yourself
Nude photos are acceptable. Hopefully I can see you glistening. (FBI)

Regard
Kindly (FBI)
greeting@!!

my mother died today so i hop (FBI) e you will be nice to me i like to masturbate fuck cookies"

highlight to see the full message. I am not sure why i find the hidden text thing so funny, perhaps a mixture of arrested social development, extreme immaturity and the childhood obsession i had with secret messages. 

I think for posterity I'll put together what I have and post it...it's the most fun I've had all holiday!

Monday, October 20th, 2008
7:02 pm
Halloween
Any Halloween Party Plans yet?? I have multiple costumes and for as much as I love Halloween I always seem to end up doing squat, or at least not enough, on the day itself.

Current Mood: curious
Saturday, July 26th, 2008
4:50 pm
Dear Live Journal, Jott...
Dear Live Journal, Jott is fucking awesome and also everyone reading this proved an event.

EDIT: so jott.com isn't perfect, because the post above I actually said "everyone reading this pooped their pants" but it's still awesome.

listen:
http://www.jott.com/show.aspx?id=46a9bf33-f94d-437f-9ca0-376e397cef06
Powered by jott.com
Wednesday, July 9th, 2008
5:45 pm
Tuesday, May 27th, 2008
11:31 pm
Reviews of movies I've seen lately
Inspired by plasticjsus and my recent useage of the review system on Blockbuster Online, I've decided to repost the little things I write on the BB website review sections for the movies i've got in my "queue" . They are short. They are narrow minded, and reflect only my selfish nature and inability to appreciate art. It's also slightly more informed than a lot of the podunk schmoes' reviews I read on there. So, for now, Here's a couple of movies I've seen lately. Sorry, in advance, because I'm bound to offend someone within these, since even close close friends disagree on movies....but it's really just meant to be funny, and hopefully i don't bother anyone with my jokes at the expense of some of these films fans.

seemedCollapse )
Tuesday, May 20th, 2008
5:46 pm
Gonna Post this one
At least three times in the past month, I have intended to update my fairly stagnant LJ. Truly, my group of friends and associates must be the last band of folks still using it regularly, or at the least, they are certainly the oldest. I imagine, out there, in the internet, in the village of LiveJournaland, that most of the inhabitants are split into two camps: The Angsty Emo-kids, assymetrical screenprinting adorning their gowns, wimper and whine at passersby, threatening to slit their wrists if they don't stop into their hut to check out the new Leaving Kids Wednesday LP that they got from a friend who got it in Japan, which like so way cooler than America. These people would be known as the Nothing-to-Doids, and all the other citizens of the community wish, just for one second, that the threats of Self-Termination were legitimate. They aren't. For the Nothing-to-Doids, LJ is used because it is simply NOT ENOUGH having one (Myspace) world (or two, including FaceBook) wide public forum to parade their poor taste and manfactured walking oxy-moron, being both super angry AND being monumentally  apathetic. They aren't alone, however.

I know they are an easy target, but there's a reason for that. They don't mind the attention, even negative....as long as all eyes are on them.

The other camp taking up most of the space on Ye Olde Live Journal is what we call the CreepyCrawlees. I don't mean to offend anyone within my group of pals, as I'm sure we have SOME bleedthru, but the CreepyCrawlees are the: RenFairers, The MMORG addicts, The LARPERs and others making believe they are Vampyrs(dude, that's how it's REAALLYY spelled), The furries, etc. (Disclaimer: Playing dress up is fun, but when it takes up all your free time, money and dignity, it's time to take the wig off and get into therapy. and off LiveJournal.) they call women "wench" as they pass by and speak with horribly forced false intonation and accents and generally smell funny (imagine  a wet dog, fritos and something akin to sunbaked sweet-n-sour sauce) and have a high incidence of Obesity. Observations, not accusations. I know I'm Obese myself...and that's why it bothers me...guilty by association. Enough fattys dressing like foxes and sailor moon and chasing each other around the local park at 6pm on a wednesday and people start to think all of us chubsters are like that. Jus' Sayin', is all.

Anyway, I've strayed way off track here. My point is, what's left of Live Journal is mostly those folks. And then, my friend, there are you and I. Maybe we belong in one fo those camps, maybe not. The point is, even in a village full of modern day Geeks (by the circus definitions) we are STILL the outcasts. At least for once, it's for being too 'normal'. feels good for a change, huh?

Current Mood: None, or other:
Friday, May 2nd, 2008
7:50 pm
Why is it okay in this video link but not okay when Michael Jackson does it?

(hint: it's not diddling little boys)

WEEEE!!
2:23 pm
Say Anything?
Not the great little cameron crowe john cusak flick from the 80's with that infinitely memorable scene with the ghettoblaster and the Peter Gabriel tune....

this fucking band:



okay, what the fuck is this asshole up to?

This bag of douche in a vintage, slim fit, american apparel T with ironic screenprinting reminds of some kind of mash up of retarded, emo and Dane cook. Fuck that guy. Say Anything? In defense of a genre (the name of their new album)? It's exactly this kind of tripe that propels the fuck faces I see everyday with skin tight jeans and gigantor skate shoes into believing that they are real, original, creative, and so on. This disgusting ehh...I really don't know why I am so angry. But seriously, FUCK THESE GUYS.

Current Mood: annoyed
Friday, April 11th, 2008
7:50 pm
if you are like me, and I know you are...you'll want to be at AJ's (formerly Pickwicks in Concord) to celebrate our wonderful friend Stan's Birthday tonight!

I know it's short notice, but hey, what were you doing anyway?
Thursday, March 6th, 2008
12:13 am
BYOBW
Bring Your Own Big Wheel

Some of the folks on my scooter club are thinking about doing this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWnff376PEI

I might consider it, actually. Between riding scooter which have small wheels anyway, I DID work at toys r us and have my fair share of big wheel adult riding experience.
Thursday, February 7th, 2008
10:41 pm
Birth.Mud.Frogs.Crucifixion
Okay...so I'm only celebrating ONE of those officially...but in addition to frogs being awesome, my birthday is also this Saturday, the 9th of February. I plan on celebrating that not only am I alive, but that my life is better now than a year before, five years before, or basically ever...to look back with nostalgia and say, "ahh, those were the good old days...fuck them, HERE'S  TO TODAY!! It sucks MUCH less!!"

I'm happy to be alive, and birthdays are a good time to say that out loud whilst lapping up booze with friends.  Long story short:

February 9th 2008, Saturday
8:30pm, Becketts, Berkeley (there's some guy playing music there that night so we might migrate if it's too busy or sucky)
Friends, fun, etc

I've been quite pleased to see a lot of the crowd more often lately and I'd like to keep that ball rolling.

Come out!

Current Mood: anxious
Wednesday, January 16th, 2008
6:54 pm
1/2 month update for the list of resolutions
-Finish the novel I began for National Novel Writers Month.  No Progress here, yet.

-Script Frenzy. Time Dependent...this is will totally do.

-learn how to play the guitar.  Well, I bought a cheapo guitar and some basic 'learn to play' Hal Leonard materials. A book with corresponding CD and DVD. I'm learning how to read the music and and have played it every night for the last four, and I can now play Ode to Joy over and over and over again whilst randomly flubbing a note then exclaiming "ARRG!" I am better plucking than picking and I only get things mostly right when I'm playing in the mirror (so I can see which fret i'm on) and I know what a fret is.


-Get the house Uber Clean and completely decoratedEh, about half-way there. Redecorating has begun, but piles of 'unfiled' stuff still exist.

-Smoking.  I don't smoke indoors at all anymore and don't smoke when commuting. I'd say I'm on track and have reduced my intake by just JUST under half a pack.


-Weight/Health/Fatty. Have lost 4 lbs since Dec 28th. Still haven't started back up on the exercise routine yet.

NOT YET:


-Visit my family in Reno, etc.
-talk to my friends more.
-Read More. Internet excluded.
-Ride my scooter more & Go to the rallys in spring & summer. TIME DEPENDENT (and weather permitting)
Visit another state in the US (other than Nevada)
-Get my passport Renewed and leave the country again. (this may not happen only because of financial limitations)

AND THEN:

-Write in a journal more.  DOING THIS NOW

-get a pet.  Got a cat named FINCH who is weird and awesome and also mostly a little bitch.
-spend more time with Selma doing stuff we don't normally do (like little trips to SF and such). Working on it. 
Friday, December 28th, 2007
8:33 pm
Ultra High Resolution
So usually, I scoff at the new years resolution thing...but over the last couple of months I have been collecting little "I really need to do..." lists left and right, and since the holiday season (being in retail and having quotas hanging over my head in a real way for the first time) left me able to focus only on work, those have all been pushed aside. So I'm making a list this year. I am going to accomplish them all. Some are short term, some are date specific, some will be on going projects and senses of 'doing better' type things. Some are very cliche, and some are textbook ME. Here it is, to get it down, and I see no real reason to not start a little early.

-Finish the novel I began for National Novel Writers Month. I didn't quite finish...life/work got in the way and I had to decide that being focused and rested enough to do my job properly was more important than finishing 50,000 words in one month. I have 20,000. I will hammer through, make it 60,000, and follow the same concept of NaNoWriMo: Quick and dirty. No editing while I write. Once I finish it, I will go back and begin the process of making it cleaner, fixing plot issues, tidying up diologue  and making it somewhat worthy of reading. My goal is to start on this January 3rd (I have inventory to do) and be done by March 15. This will give me 2 weeks to recooperate so that I can begin the next writing challenge:

-Script Frenzy. Same basic concept as NaNoWriMo, but a script. April 1-30. 100 pages. This, I can do. Still, it's scary.

-learn how to play the guitar. While I'm at it, those two above are from the same sort of community of creative wannabes and veterans that have decided to constantly challenge themselves with these satisfying tools of self-abuse. They also inspired this list with something called  Big, Fun, Scary Adventure Challenge which is just to challenge yourself to do something new an exciting and, well, scary & Big. I'm choosing all of this stuf, but in particular, I've decided my big fun scary challenge will be to learn how to play the guitar. I'm currently checking out Craigslist for a used cheapy acoustic, but may just try to borrow one until I'm sure I can actually approach the ability to learn.

-Get the house Uber Clean and completely decorated.

-Smoking. I'm going to just say I would like to be a non-smoker this time next year. I'm starting by reducing how much I smoke. I have a plan. I will slowly start imposing an ever more inclusive DON'T list, taking away priveleges to smoke from myself. For example. First, I will say, no more smoking in the "office" at home which has become the 'smoking room'. having to go outside will deter me a bit and very effectively reduce how much I smoke. then I will outlaw smoking in my car during my regular commute, then extend that to be no smoking in the car at all. After than will be harder ones like after meals, with booze,with coffee, after sex, and so on. By doing this I will give myself fewer and fewer of my automatic 'habit smokes' and only be smoking when my body ABSOLUTELY NEEDS IT. then I will begin a Cessation therapy drug, like Zyban or somesuch. I've also already introduced a rationing procedure wherein I only bring a certain amount of cigarettes with me to work. I'm on 5 cigarrettes from the time I leave the house in the morning until I return home (thank god I'm too cheap to buy another pack if I know i have some waiting for me). I will likey end up doing the drug and the Nicotrol inhaler for my last steps. and then, I'm done.

-Weight/Health/Fatty. I lost a good amount of weight last year but didn't keep it off. I did a great job of intorducing new habits, but emotionally was at a weird turning point where I was feeling good about myself and indulging, which was weird because my overeating in the past was for exactly the opposite reason. I've got a treadmill, various hand weights and something to help situps/crunches to be easier (my collarbone has not agreed with on the floor sit ups since I broke it). I know how to eat healthy and can do it. It's just time to. This will be a focus ABOVE the smoking thing. I will not try to push both of these at the same time. I will wait until I'm at a weight/size I'm happy with to go past the rationing/imposed limitations point with the smoking. This is a good idea. I promise.

-Visit my family in Reno, etc.
-talk to my friends more.
-Read More. Internet excluded.
-Ride my scooter more & Go to the rallys in spring & summer.
-Write in a journal more.
-Visit another state in the US (other than Nevada)
-Get my passport Renewed and leave the country again. (this may not happen only because of financial limitations)
-get a pet.
-spend more time with Selma doing stuff we don't normally do (like little trips to SF and such).
Monday, November 5th, 2007
9:49 pm
Things right about now
NaNoWriMo has begun.

For those of you unfamiliar, that's National Novel Writers Month, and this year I've decided to participate. I'm not off to a grand start, missing basically the first two days and writing very little on the third, but tonight I'm attempting a bit of a rally to make up some lost word time. The idea (I posted about it recently, actually) is to write a novel with a minimum 50,000 words in the month of November. It doesn't have to be good, but it has to be at least that long. It's a neat exercise in pushing yourself to try new things and accomplish things you didn't think possible as well as get the creative wheels spinning again. The best advise they give you is not to edit. Just let it flow, don't really even try to make it good. Assume it will be full of crap, but still try to make it something to be proud of, understanding the existing parameters. Look at all these words I just wrote that don't count for my total!!! what a waste!

But seriously, Since the first, I have written (as of right this second) 5,000 words. A tenth of the total. It feels good, even if by this point I SHOULD have around 8300. That's okay. I'm still feeling accomplished and excited and hopeful. The subject matter is familiar and so far has a nice even mix of sad and funny. It will be embarrassing as a finished product, I'm sure, but it will still be probably the largest feat of it's kind for me. It will finally set a mark past the half a screenplay I did (with tons of help from Victor and Selma) something like three years ago. Time to start up those engines again.

So, on the day I was supposed to just write from morn to night, I decided to go to the movies with Selma. Not exactly smart, in the scheme of things, but I needed a break and watching a not so terrific but not all that bad flick got me re centered and I am ready to spend until probably 3 am or so getting as close to 8000 as I can, and will take full lunches at work every day this week to supplement my writing time. I will also do at least an hour each night and spend most of both days off pounding away at the keyboard of my laptop in various Oakland-Berkeley coffee shops. I am desperate to meet this goal. My sad confession is that I've considered copping some ADD medication to keep me going once I hit that mid-point that I know I will get stuck at. hopefully some homemade Espresso will do the trick...it has so far. Anyway, I went to the grad lake theater tonight for the first time and man, that place is cool. Inspiring all by itself. I love old theaters.

It's funny, what got me started writing again was actually us getting cable for the first time in years. Watching some of these suddenly well written series (I'm lookin' at you Californication & Dexter) made me wake up my inner-bukowski and tell him to get to work. Weird that after years of not giving a fuck about what's on TV, that now I do and there's some writers strike. It's like they realise there has been a shift in quality and want to be paid more for it now! sheesh! Just please work it out soon, I need to be able to see new episodes of the office and was just starting to respect David Duchovny as an actor.

Well, Obviously I'm back into writing. I don't think I have types this much into LJ in a couple of years. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: accomplished
Monday, October 29th, 2007
4:43 am
It has begun
So I made up a place holder website for my idea until I get a real feel for the design/style/logistics but I figured I would put this together to start the ball rolling. So, effectively, the website idea is OPERATIONAL. Soon I will write the stuff up on the site so that it's really legit like and sounds better, so forth...but it's there, it's working, I guess I will see how it goes. Feel free, actually to get the ball rolling for me, and submit a secret or three. I will spend some time soon working out the kinks and making it easier for people to submit secrets and rank posts, etc. but still, I need to sort of figure what works and what doesn't.

Check it out:

(remember, this isn't how it will totally be, but it's the basic version fr now, to see if the concept holds any water. )

I SECRETLY WISH

Current Mood: accomplished
3:59 am
light bulb
Thanks to a post Stan made recently I just got an idea for a website that I feel I might actually and really pursue. I will likely call upon the expertise of some of my friends for this since I have no knowledge in this area but without going into complete detail just yet (while I work it outa little) It's like a combination of post secret and craigslist's main classifieds listings...in a way...but not quite. I'll explain further when I figure it out completely, but I have to register the domain and then figure out how I want it to look.

Like I said, I don't know how AT ALL to do the technical part of this, but I think I need to at least do like a photoshop of how it should be laid out and look. which reminds me, I don't have photoshop for this computer yet.

Current Mood: creative
Wednesday, June 27th, 2007
7:21 pm
AIM & partees
So the company I work for (MetroPCS) is currently preparing to launch it's own AIM interface allowing our customers to use AIM from their handsets for either $5/month unlimited or as part of our all inclusive $50 plan (that also has Unlimited Long Distance,Local,Voicemail,caller ID, call waiting, unlimited text messaging,unlimited MMS, unlimited WEB access and unlimited international text messaging. It's pretty cool, and allows all of our customers to communicate with those horrible sidekick-owning friends of theirs, and those stuck at a computer with the ability to use AIM.

The point is, I'm currently one of the testers, but as you may already know, i notoriously never sign on to any of my instant messaging accounts and generally have never used them on any regular basis. But I'm testing it, and can see it as being somewhat fun and useful under certain conditions. What I am trying to say is, if you have me on you aim list, hit me up so I can test this thing a bunch before launch. If you don't, feel free to go fire it up and ad me:

AIM Screen name: spankyhockenpuss (duh)

this is also a good time for me to say:

1) party, 7/7/07 @ 7pm, my place. (perhaps you can rsvp via AIM?)
2) Stan is in town as of NOW, he will be staying at my place a couple of nights at least, but you should call him up and take advantage of the fact that the man is on this side of the coast. I work a lot this week, so I will not have as much time with him as I would like. We will make it happen, though.
Monday, May 14th, 2007
10:35 am
Quote of the day
"Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?" -Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Thursday, April 26th, 2007
6:23 pm
Craiglist, ahh, the pure amusement
Here is a link to a posting I found. This is my hobby. Since I don't watch television, I call CL "my soaps" you can see so much in the way of interesting, bizarre, depressing...it's a window into the human condition. That condition is fucked up. In case the link dies, I'll post a copy of it here as well.
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